Open Heart New Start

Kloe’s open heart surgery was one of the most stressful few weeks of my entire life. In the weeks leading up to her surgery I was so anxious and stressed as I believe any mother would be. I got to the point that I really couldn’t handle the anticipation and stress, so I went to the doctor and had anti-anxiety meds prescribed to me. I am sure that with my level of stress only a tranquilizer would have helped because even with the pills I was still throwing up and having anxiety attacks. If you were to ask Kody I am sure he would say I was a total bear and truthfully I would admit that is the case, but I never learned how to deal with that kind of stress. You would think that the two surgeries before would have prepared me but because the first surgery was a surprise and the second one wasn’t a big operation, I didn’t feel prepared for this one. Knowing that doctors would have to open up Kloe’s chest and work on her tiny little heart while she was on a bypass machine just made me have nightmares and racing thoughts all day of what could go wrong.

There was one person that really understood how I felt and that was my mom. She had also been through a surgery similar to this with my older sister when she was little so I  would called her a lot for help through a panic attack or just to get some reassurance. Even with the support of Kody, my mom, and many others I often felt like I was drowning in a pool of anxiety. 

It was finally time to go up North for the big day. We packed our bags once again and had to be at Primary Children’s a day early so that they could run tests to make sure Kloe was healthy enough for surgery. After a few hours at the hospital we were able to go back to the hotel and wait. They told us that they would call us by five if Kloe wasn’t able to have the surgery and no phone call was the signal for its go time. We waited and watched the clock and by five thirty I finally accepted the fact that the next morning my little girl would be going in for open heart surgery.

We had a few family member who planned on joining us for the long day. My mom, dad, sister, and niece all met us at the hotel the night before. They were so helpful in getting our minds off the surgery. Kody’s parents were planning on coming up the morning of Kloe’s surgery along with my best friend to meet us at the hospital. We had so much support from our families and I was so grateful for all them. Back home everyone was wearing their Proud aunt, uncle, ect. of a niece,granddaughter, ect. with down syndrome shirts on the day of her surgery to show their support. It was so nice randomly through the day to get a picture of someone we loved wearing their shirt. It put a smile on my face when I needed it the most. 

The night before Kloe’s surgery I was pretty restless, and even had to step outside at 2 am. to get some air so the room would stop spinning. I knew in my heart everything was going to be ok, but I couldn’t get out of my own head to let myself calm down. The morning of Kloe’s surgery we had to wake up really early to get ready, so early in fact that the continental breakfast at our hotel wasn’t even open before we had to leave. We arrived at the hospital wearing our proud parents of a daughter with down syndrome shirts(which everyone loved) and started more tests before we could sit the the waiting room to start surgery. We sat there for a good hour taking turns holding Kloe and kissing her cute face and waiting for her surgeon to come through the door. About two hours after arriving at the hospital it was Kloe’s turn for surgery. This part never gets any easier and I think this time was the hardest to let her go. I instantly starting bawling like I do every time as we handed our baby off to the nurses. 

We went outside on the patio to take a moment to ourselves and I tried to gather myself and let go of the anxiety I was feeling. I called my mom to tell her Kloe was in surgery and she was having some trouble with her diabetes which made my day a little more stressful but luckily my dad and sister were there to help her get control. A few minutes after that my best friend Allie called and told me she was at the hospital. Having all of this support is what got Kody and I threw those long hours when Kloe was in surgery. I know that it would have been a lot harder if it weren’t for all of the love around us. 

Everyone convinced me that we should leave the hospital so we didn’t drive ourselves crazy so we went to City Creek to get some breakfast. We were given a pager and were told that we would get updates throughout her procedure. That stupid pager was my best friend and my worst enemy that day. Every time it would go off my heart would race and I would have a little panic attack. I started cussing Kody’s phone too because every time they would get a text message I would think it was the pager. We met up with Kody’s parents at the mall and I was finally able to take a deep breath a put my trust in the surgeons who were operating on Kloe. 

I have to do a little bragging about how my best friend is truly amazing. She drove all the way up north late the night before, woke up early just to be with us at the hospital and left that same day so that she could go back to work. I know I could never repay her for the things she did for me that day, and I know she would never expect me to. When she could tell I was getting stressed she would pull me aside and cheer me up or just completely distract me. 

Those seven hours seemed a lot shorter with our support team there. After wasting as much time as possible before I wanted to get back to the hospital we made the short trip back to Primary’s and waited some more. This part down right sucks. After almost seven hours we were finally able to go down stairs to the CICU(cardiac intensive care unit) and see Kloe. 

Here is a little back story: I had a friend of mine with a little boy who had just gone through heart surgery a few months before Kloe. She was just the sweetest and invited me over to look through her pictures so that I wouldn’t be in so much shock when I saw Kloe after surgery. I knew that this would be helpful but I had no idea how much it would help me. It was still hard to see her for the first time but I knew what to expect and I wasn’t as sad when I saw her laying there motionless, tubes everywhere, and with a huge cut down her chest. 

Kloe always amazes me in the strength and determination and in this situation it was no different. We were able to go home four days after Kloe’s surgery and I know its because she is a fighter. Although this was one of the most stressful experiences I have ever been through I am blessed to have seen a few miracles in the process. Kloe’s surgeon was defiantly one of them. When he came to talk to us after we had seen Kloe he humbly said the surgery went well but he couldn’t close the hole in her heart all the way, but it was good enough that she would need no other repair and we wouldn’t see any negative effects. We later found out from the nurses that this was one of the best AV canal repairs that surgeon or any surgeon had ever done. The other thing I want to mention and I have said it before, our family’s and loved ones are the real strength behind us and without them I am not sure how we would have survived this bump in the road. I am so grateful for each of them and for all the do. We survived and made it through the biggest obstacle in Kloe’s short nine months thanks to all the people at Primary Children’s Hospital, our friends, and of coarse our family.

These photos

are of each day 

after surgery