4!

It has been far too long sense I have done this but here it goes. Today is Kloe's fourth birthday. This day holds so many mixed emotions for me. It is hard to look back on the day she was born. I wish that I could smack myself for even having a hard time at first. I wish I could tell myself that we would get through the scare and the hard first year. I wish I could tell myself that I can't even get enough slobbery kisses in a day from Kloe and that I love her so much that is still gives me butterflies. I think because things were so different when we first had Kloe exactly four years ago her birthday holds a deeper meaning for me. It is a reminder of how far she has come. How much she has learned in a year. How many more words she has added to her vocabulary. How her interests have changed, but most of all I reflect on how much I have changed. I was so scared four years ago of so many unknown factors of her life. I was so worried about her health and how differently we were going to have to raise her. It is amazing how much one event can change a person. Now I worry how to keep my mouth shut sometimes and let others teach Kloe. I worry that she is going to keep growing too fast and that she isn't going to stay a momma's girl forever. I worry one day that she won't want to wake up at the crack of dawn just so she can come and climb in my bed and snuggle with me until we both fall back asleep. I worry that the next four years are going to go by way too fast and that I won't even be able to keep up with her. Most of all I worry that I don't tell her enough how grateful I am to her and for the impact that she has had on my life. I can't even imagine my family without her and the joy and love she shows us isn't something I can explain but if you are lucky enough to get to spend any amount of time with Kloe you would understand. I am so grateful to be her mom and I always will be, hard times and all.